Dedicating Buddy, and the shock of canine cancer…some advice

After eight very happy years, my husband and I finally decided our Buddy could be suffering from a large tumor on the left side of his face. Only 3 months ago it started, and surgery was not possible.  When I took Buddy to the vet the final time, he was very nervous and his tumor started bleeding for the first time.  When I saw his blood, which I’m not usually upset at the sight of blood, I was afraid he would die more quickly.  My mind couldn’t fathom that he was there to be put to sleep…all I could grasp is that my beloved pet was bleeding hard.  My heart broke as I held him to receive the final medicine as he journeyed into a final sleep this past February.  He was given two injections…an anesthesia to relax him, and then the medicine to stop his heart.  I asked the vet to close his eyes after, and she said they don’t close after death.  I continued to pet his head because I couldn’t believe he was gone.  We cry about him a little every day, and I still think during the day, did I feed Buddy yet?  I never had a dog or cat that had a cancer, but now I know it’s not that uncommon.  We bought some strong immune strengthening medicine but it did not help.  Buddy was a German shepherd/Dane (I think) mix, and someone broke his right ear before he was given to me.  I think he may have gotten the disease from the dogfood I gave him from Tractor Supply (canned/dry) for seven years.  He had an intestinal allergy, and the vet’s food was very expensive.  I tried him on Tractor Supply’s, and he was fine all those years.  I made him homemade biscuits.  Surgery couldn’t be done because they would had to remove the skin over the right side of his mouth.  The vet said she could test him to see if the disease had gone down into his lungs, but I haven’t been able to find an online teaching job (I’m nearly completed with my PhD, but haven’t taught online yet…even with gpa’s of 3.9/4.0, colleges want teaching experience), so I couldn’t afford the almost $1,000 bill…more if I wanted radiation/ chemotherapy for him.  I didn’t want to have him sick from that, and the expense was too high.  I feel guilty for not being able to have more done for him.  I asked Cornell U canine research staff for advice before taking him to be put to sleep.  Cornell said the tumor would come back.  I asked them after if they could use Buddy for research, but they said they had a great many samples of canine cancer cells…they’re working hard to help animals be healthier.  I found that many friends had to have their pets put to sleep because of cancer.  Buddy was almost ten years old.  He was healthy all the years he was with us until the cancer.  My only advice for pet owners is check the inside of their mouths too for any changes.  Buddy’s tumor area inside his mouth was a red patch.  Buddy loved the out of doors, rolling in the grass in the sunshine, running after a ball, chasing mice and cats, eating meat, and being close to me so I could rub his neck and ears.  Now, the Lord holds him, and he eats and runs in heaven. God bless our pets.